Inspired: Louis de Bernieres

Have you ever read a book by Louis de Bernieres? After reading this quote, I might just have to add Captain Corelli's Mandolin to my reading list.

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” - Louis de Bernieres Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Love is a choice, a commitment, a decision; it is that which remains.

Monkeypod Trees, Moanalua Gardens, Oahu

Photos by Kara Haberstock, all rights reserved

Musing: All In

Just over a week ago, my favorite blog, A Practical Wedding (note: way more than just a wedding blog)  had a post about the dreaded question: how do you know? As in, how do you really really know if you're ready to get married? And it was open for discussion. As you know from the frequency of my writing on the topic, answering that question has been a bit of a struggle for me. I worry that I'm too young to be making this sort of a decision. I worry that getting married isn't compatible with my career goals. I worry that getting married is letting down my little feminist self that knows her strengths and wants to do big things and who shudders at the thought of being stuck in a house all day (that never turns out well, even with my introverted-ness). And the morning that I read that post, I was incredibly stressed on my second day of a three-day twenty-seven hour work binge to get a crucial but tedious part of my project done, and I was rather upset with Nate due to something he'd said during a phone call that morning. So as I was brooding and trying drum up the willpower to get back to work, I wasn't feeling all that confident in my "knowing-ness." 

The impatient moments of waiting for the plane to finally get moving and get off the ground at the beginning of every commercial flight are always marked by the safety presentation, in which a flight attendant smashes words together in order to speak as quickly as possible while her fellow crew members pantomime uses of seatbelts and oxygen masks with tired gravity. When they reach the part about emergency evacuations, three thoughts generally cross my mind. First, what are the odds that this plane is sufficiently intact following a crash to actually use the fancy doors and slides and such? Second, even if all the doors and slides work, what are the chances that we passengers will be calm and coherent enough to follow all these instructions? Will I actually remember to wait to inflate my life vest until I'm outside the plane? Where are these red pouches you speak of? Third, I know you say to leave everything, but is there anyway that I can grap my laptop? It's kinda my life...

But sitting on a plane bound for Texas on Friday night, when the hyper-speed safety briefing reached the evacuation portion, that third thought suddenly changed. Can I grab my laptop? Who cares-- I've gotta get home.

I'm not saying that being in a relationship or deciding to get married has made my life worth living-- far from it. I was a very happy, fulfilled, adventurous single person, and I'm pretty sure I could have stayed that way for a while had circumstances been a bit different. But this process of moving toward marriage has changed my priorities quite a bit, as it should. After all, in marriage two become one, which means I have more to consider than just my opinion when making even hypothetical decisions such as this.

But let me back up-- there's a very long, difficult week between the moody-wedding-post-reading episode and the laptop-dilemma realization mentioned above. At the end of my too-long, TMJ-inducing, stress-filled weekend, I found out that Nate was in the ER in Tucson due to a Crohn's flare-up. And for the first-time since I've known him, I couldn't be there. It was hard, but I knew that our wonderful friends were taking good care of him, and he seemed better the next morning. Then he ended up back in the ER for a second night in a row, and I started looking up flights and waking up in the middle of the night with somewhat-irrational fears that he could die. I felt guilty for not being there with him and for putting such a burden on our friends who have full-time jobs. But in the morning he said he was feeling better and I felt that finally, things were looking up. At three p.m. on Tuesday a friend called to let me know that Nate had been admitted to UMC because an obstruction had shown up on the CT scan. I sent off a flurry of emails and phone calls and booked the first one-way flight to Tucson the next morning. I worked most of the night before, unable to sleep and trying to get as much done as possible before I left. Deadlines were approaching in a week, but most of my work could be done remotely. But, honestly at that point, it didn't really matter to me that much what my work situation was like. I needed to get home and to that hospital.

The first time I think I ever really came close to "knowing" with Nate was actually on a trip to the ER. It was so frustrating to sit there helplessly holding his hand when he was in such incredible pain, waiting and hoping that a room opened up quickly, but I knew that I never wanted to be anywhere else but right there when something like that happened.I wanted to be there to fight through the incredibly hard, painful parts of life with him. (And he's been there through the difficult, painful parts of life for me thus far.)

And this time, again, being there in the hospital, some questions were cleared up for me. That nagging career v. marriage question? I would choose Nate over my career in a heartbeat. Fortunately, I don't have to: he's very supportive of my career aspirations, and he knows my strengths and wants me to use them. Am I young to be getting married? Yes, according to national averages. But I'm also graduating college at younger age than average, and no one fusses about that. And it makes sense to get married at this age, especially for practical reasons such as health decisions. "Fiancee" is an improvement over "girlfriend" in the hospital, but "wife" will carry much more weight. And regarding my feminist self...APW has some wonderful posts about that. Maybe in time my feelings towards "housewife" will change a bit; maybe that won't. (For the record, I do enjoy cooking and keeping a relatively tidy house because I enjoy having a well-working house and hosting people in my home. I just don't really want to be a full-time housewife.) Either way, feminism is struggle to achieve equal rights for women, part of which includes the right to choose how we will live our lives. So no, getting married does not equal failing or selling out as a feminist. And if getting married isn't selling out or career suicide or a young-stupid-kid mistake, then what arguments do I have left?

A little after twenty-four hours after I arrived at the hospital, we were homebound. The obstruction had kindly resolved itself with the help of some drugs to reduce inflammation and an Ng tube. We spent the last twenty-four hours together quietly while trying to get a few practical things done (wedding planning and apartment hunting). That persistent small fear that this all could happen again the moment I left made it a bit difficult to let him out of my sight (a technological mishap precipitated a walk to his house because I was terrified that something had happened and I couldn't get ahold of him because his phone was dead). As expected, this week's events did not do wonders for my anxiety disorder. And as much as he's promised to not get sick when I'm two states away, life, and especially life with Crohn's, is very uncertain.

In the end, I think I can say that I "know." I know not in the way that says things are going to work out the way I want them too or this is the 100% best possible choice I could be making right now. Love and marriage are inherently risky. There's no guarantees concerning what will happen in our lives. And there's always the possibility of loss. There's no knowing that our lives will turn out just the way we want them too. That's where trust and faith come in. And we are both inherently selfish people who will try our best to get beyond our own self-interest, but many times we will fail. That's where grace and mercy come in. But I do know that, from this point on, I'm all in. The laptop has been demoted. I am choosing to commit the rest of my life to learning to love Nate well, and together we're going to be a pretty awesome team. And I know that I am ready as I'll ever be to make that choice. 

And just to clarify, Crohn's by no means defines our relationship. It's been an unfortunate (but thankfully infrequent) interruption that has sparked some moments of introspection and realization. But most of our time together is happily healthy and mundane- evenings spent working together or lazy weekend afternoons, ventures out to explore a new part of the city or a nights spent in cooking and cleaning afterwards (a regular part of life sans dishwasher). I hope that most of our married life will just be the mundane stuff and the fun adventures. But it's good to know that we can get through the hard times too.

Living with Lewis: Home

This weekend was filled with graduation festivities and family, first here in Tucson with so many dear friends who just completed their time here at UA, then with my sister in Phoenix in anticipation of her high school graduation (I feel so old!). And all this flurry of celebration and impending change and transition has set me to thinking about many things, but mostly the idea of home.

I still struggle with "home" mostly because I'm not entirely sure where "home" is. It seems that one should have once home, yet I can't seem to name just one. Tucson is "home": I live here, my friends are here, my life is here, my favorite little spots are here, my church is here, I know this city's quirks and tricks. But Phoenix is "home" too: my childhood home, my family, old friends, old spots, childhood memories, familiar places, so many firsts. However I also have this quirk of calling just about any place I reside for more than three days "home." Hotel rooms, crowded flats, shared rooms, village homes with somewhat alarming outdoor toilets have all been deemed "home." And there is a bit of mourning when each is left behind.

And in this mode of thought, Lewis' discussion of affection becomes quite relevant. He writes:

"Affection . . . is the humblest love. It gives itself no airs. People can be proud of being "in love" or of friendship. Affection is modest-- even furtive and shame-faced . . . Affection almost slinks or seeps through our lives. It lives with humble un-dress, private things; soft slippers, old clothes, old jokes, the thump of a sleepy dog's tail on the kitchen floor, the sound of a sewing machine, a gollywog left on the lawn." - The Four Loves, 33-34

For me at least, I would say that affection and home go hand-in-hand. That familiarity, that old, comfortable feeling, that known-ness-- the love, or at least liking, called affection that arises from this creates that feeling of "home."



The soundtrack of soft snores that accompany the second half of nearly any film viewed from the over-crowded family room sofa

The brief sense of loss when the old all-metal, forest green, built-like-a-tank, pain-to-park '93 Land Cruiser is finally put to rest

The short white canine hairs that somehow make the trip from Phoenix to Tucson and three times through the wash

The mysterious thumping and gurgling noises periodically emanating from the hallway closet water heater that may or may not belong to some prehistoric creature

The fourteenth occasion of accidentally hitting that dreadful pothole right in front of the apartment complex

The familiar sound of Dad making waffles in the kitchen on a Saturday morning



The recollection of the bathroom door in a Central Asian flat that could be locked from both the inside and outside and resulting pranks that ensued

The unmistakable grumbling of the garage door signaling someone's return

The warmth of the sun on that one side of the bed on springtime Saturday mornings

The northeast window that never latched quite right

The slide down to the basement of the music building that was supposed to be for pianos and not for people

The gathering of friends around the kitchen table on Sunday morning




These things speak of home

All photos by Kara Haberstock (and friends/family), all rights reserved

Mondays Musings: Why Marriage Scares the $%#& out of Me

It's a feeling somewhat akin to looking over the edge of the Grand Canyon and imagining jumping off

I do apologize for the slight vulgarity. But, honestly, that's my general sentiment when I think about marriage. It's absolutely terrifying. I know it's wonderful and incredibly rewarding and worth it and all of those things. But thinking about it often ignites this feeling in the pit of my stomach that just feels like pure terror. I've had issues with marriage for a while actually. My solution to my problems with marriage, though, was to simply put it off and declare that I wasn't getting married till I was 26 or so and had my life figured out. Realization: I don't think there will ever be a point when I have my life figured out. So it's time to get to the bottom of this: Why does marriage feel so utterly terrifying?

First, I love being single. I love the freedom it provides to be spontaneous and do crazy things. I can make plans without consulting anyone. I'm not really tied down to anything. I can travel wherever and whenever I want (within reason). My prospects after college are wide open: grad school, work, moving overseas... I don't need to know where I'm going. And if things don't go well, I'm the only one I have to worry about. There's much less responsibility, less risk, and more flexibility. I have control over my own life, and no one has to pay for my choices but me. Control is a big part of it actually. I have a generalized anxiety disorder, and I cope with that by controlling my surroundings and managing risk. My mantra when making decisions is "it's not permanent." If I move somewhere and hate it, I can move again. If I start studying something and find it's not that interesting, I can change fields. If I don't like my school, I can transfer. If I hate my job, I can find a new one. Now all of the things do take some time and coordination. I might be stuck with something I don't like for a few years. But overall, it's not permanent.

But marriage is permanent, at least for me. Divorce isn't an option. I'm choosing to commit to someone for the rest of my life. For better or for worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. And it's a commitment I take very seriously and that I'm not going to back down on. I am committing to love and care for and support my partner to the best of my abilities for as long as we both live. And that is very very scary. (Honestly, if I didn't find that slightly terrifying, I might be worried I wasn't taking this seriously enough.)

Marriage is also terrifying because of the expectations that come with it, expectations that I'm not sure I can meet, or don't really want to meet. I've talked about my fear of disappointing people before, and on the topic of marriage, this fear gets amplified to the nth degree. I'm afraid that my boyfriend secretly has expectations of his future wife that he hasn't told me, or maybe doesn't even realize himself, that won't come out until we tie the knot, and then we'll be in trouble. I'm afraid of expectations concerning marriage in my circles of faith. Does being married mean that I have to give up on all my career plans? Do I have to stay home and clean the house and raise children? Do I have to give up on my intellectual pursuits?

One of the reasons why I planned to be single for a while in the first place was because of my career choices. I've felt called to a career in research and political analysis, particularly regarding Chechnya. I've found what I love in writing my thesis and studying and writing policy papers. And I want to keep doing this, to pursue a career in this. But there's something in me that fears that in this culture, I can't do this as a married woman. Single women are the ones who can be independent and a little crazy and pursue big goals and dreams and careers. If I get married now, I can't do that any more. Getting married, especially as a woman, means that I am going to be at the mercy of my husband's decisions and that I can say goodbye to my independent life where I can choose to do things that I want to do and pursue my dreams. Getting married means giving up all these things that I hold so dear, it means sacrificing all of my goals and plans and dreams, it means giving up the opportunities to use the gifts and talents I've been given. 

Marriage feels a little bit like the death of who I am and what I love about my life and my identity. It also feels a bit like a betrayal. I've run in rather feminist circles with female friends who are all for women being successful, strong, and independent. We're going to have careers and go places and change the world. We're smart and talented: we can take care of ourselves. Does getting married mean I'm a sell-out?

All of these fears have been rushing around in my head for the last weeks and months. And they are completely justified. Marriage is terrifying, and it should be terrifying. It is an enormous decision, and not one to be rushed into lightly. Though at first I feared I was over-exaggerating in some of my fears, as I've reflected further, I think I'm spot on in a lot of my analyses.  Marriage is like death. It's the death of my single, selfish self, my self that is not accountable to another. When I commit to marrying someone, I am committing to love them. And love is not self-seeking. Love is self-sacrificing. It means sacrificing my desires daily. Not in the martyr/doormat way, but in a conscious, every day seeking of my partner's best. If I decide to get married, I am going to have to make hard decisions.

One of my most frequent "what if" scenarios has concerned our future plans. What if he gets into a medical school on the West Coast and I get into my dream school on the East Coast? What would we choose?  But I realized when considering this, that if I really love him, the choice wouldn't actually be that hard. Medicine is such a huge and defining passion for him that denying him that opportunity would crush him and so much of what I love about him. Why would I want to take away what he is most passionate about? Loving him means accepting this and being willing to sacrifice.  This doesn't mean that I have to give up on any aspirations and goals that I have. He knows what I am passionate about and what makes me tick, and love works both ways. We will figure out a way to make it work. It may require some delays, some postponing, some finagling of schedules. But if we're both trying to seek the other's best, I would hope we could figure something out.

A week or so ago, I was talking this over with a friend, and she helped me see it this way: if this dilemma between marriage and career is as binary as I first made it out to be, then by choosing one option, I am choosing to give up the other. I don't want to get married because I don't want to give up my career opportunities. But this relationship I'm in has to go somewhere, so if I choose the career track (in the binary option world), I am forfeiting this relationship I have. And honestly, I don't want that either, even though at times it seems much more socially acceptable. When did we decide that career success is more valuable than a healthy, supportive relationship?

I'm hoping for a middle road. There should be some way that I can get married and still research and write and analyze conflicts. I will probably have to give up some of my ambitions, but I'm okay with that. I don't think my pipedream ambitions are worth the cost of losing this awesome relationship I have. And from what I've heard and seen, marriage can even be a boost to some of those pipedreams. It isn't all loss and sacrifice- I'd be gaining a partner too. 

All in all, I still have a ways to go before I'm ready to get married. My boyfriend and I have things to work out and address. There are a lot of things to take into account before jumping into this. As much as love is self-sacrificing, whenever I do get married, my partner and I are going to have a lot of selfish moments when we are quite self-seeking and not loving. And that needs to be worked on and some contingency plans for handling that probably need to be put into place. And I'm sure there's other issues I haven't even though of yet. Like I said before, marriage is an enormous decision and not one to be taken lightly.  But at the end of this long post, here's where I'm at. I think I'm slightly more okay with marriage and the thought of getting married. I still have a ways to go, but that's why they have things like counseling and wise older people to consult with. I'm definitely not getting married tomorrow. But I don't have to wait till I'm 26 or so and have my life figured out. (Because again, there's no way I'm going to have my life figured out by then.) So...we'll see where things go and pray lots. Whatever happens, I do know this: I have a God who loves me perfectly and seeks my best always. So I think I'll be okay. 


Photo taken by Kara Haberstock, March 2009, all rights reserved

Living with Lewis: Love

Found via Pinterest (if you know the original source, please send it to me)

This quote, from the first chapter of The Four Loves, is probably one of my all-time favorite quotes on love. Lewis describes the kinds and aspects of love we give and experience in this life, though they usually exist altogether. He writes:

"Need love says of a woman "I cannot live without her"; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection- if possible wealth; Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all" (17).

How beautiful is that?

I think that in the last year I have begun to understand all three of these aspects of love so much more. And when they come all in the same breath-- that is a sense so overwhelming and wonderful that I cannot put it into words any more eloquent than those of Lewis and the other masters of poetry and prose that have filled our world with books and songs and verse.

Monday's Musing: God is Love

A few weeks ago you might remember that I wrote about some of my deepest fears concerning God, fears that God will call me to do things I hate, that he is disappointed in me, that he wants me to be someone I am not. Over the break, I took a day off from working and had the chance to reflect on this further and spend some time in prayer and in the Word. And I came to this passage:

"We know how much God loves us and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God and God lives in them. And as we live in God our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in the world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first." (1 John 4:16-19)

 God is love, he loves us perfectly, and perfect love expels fear. So if I am loved perfectly by God, I should have no reason to fear. I finally got to this point after reading over 1 Corinthians 13 (the famous love chapter) and substituting "God" for "love" (God is love, thus God=Love and can be substituted). This ended up in my journal:

God is patient. He does not get frustrated and give up on me. 

God is kind. He does not act out of spite. He does not seek to make my life hard or miserable. 

God does not envy. He is not threatened by my love for others. He does not seek to isolate me. He wants me to have deep relationships with other people. 

God does not boast. What he says is true. He does not seek to belittle. 

God is not proud. Again, he seeks a true view. He seeks to develop humility in us; He does not take pleasure in humiliating us. 

God is not rude. Think of how you expect to be treated by a good friend who you know wants the best for you. God will not treat you worse than they would. 

God is not self-seeking. He seeks the absolute best for me. He needs nothing; he lives in total abundance. I am a constant recipient of his grace and generosity. 

God is not easily angered. He is not mad or upset with me. 

God keeps no record of wrongs. God is not disappointed in me. I have been covered by the blood of Christ. 

God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God is not spiteful. He does not seek to hurt me. God seeks truth. He wants to reveal who I was truly made to be. 

God always protects. He wants me to take refuge in Him, to feel safe in Him. He is not out to wound me. He wants to care for me. 

God always trusts. He knows my heart and intentions. 

God always hopes. He sees all that I can be and works to help me realize my full potential for his glory. He has planned out incredible works for me to do since before the beginning of time (Eph 2:10). He looks forward to bing glorified in me. 

God always perseveres. He will not stop until he's done. He will not give up on me. 

God never fails. He will keep his promises. He will not screw up. He will not hurt me. He will not abandon me. He will always be good, He will always be generous, and He will always be trustworthy. 

God wants to shower his love upon me. There is nothing to fear.  

Photo taken by Kara Haberstock, June 2011, all rights reserved

Thursday's Short Film: The Love Competition

What is love?
Is it a feeling? An action? A choice? A series of chemicals released in our brains?
This film follows a competition that measures love based on chemical reactions on the brain, but it also captures the love experienced by six very different competitors from age 10 to age 75.  I found it quite intriguing:


The Love Competition from Brent Hoff on Vimeo.

Because "Love is a feeling you have for someone you have feelings about."
Get the DVD - wholphin.net/15


PS: Who were you rooting for?

Living with Lewis: Loves and gods

Before launching into the real content of his book, Lewis gives one last warning in his introduction to The Four Loves regarding the difference between human love and God's love, one which I find especially helpful. He warns us to be careful not to let love take the place of God in our lives. Love is a good thing: it pulls us out of our own selfishness, it transforms us, it helps us to put others above ourselves, it brings us into deep, meaningful relationships. But love is not God. God is love. If we give love the place of God in our lives, if we obey it completely, if we put it above all else...we will ultimately find ourselves in trouble. Lewis writes:

"We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become gods; then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred" (8).

Throughout the introduction, Lewis has set up this idea of "need-love" and "gift-love," the first arising from our need and fragility as human beings demonstrated in the love of a child for its mother or our love for God, the second being freely given out of fullness for the sake of the beloved demonstrated by the love of a mother for her child or God's love for us. The need-loves aren't so dangerous- we will never mistake them for God. But the gift-love, so near to God by likeness (not necessarily approach) can get us into trouble. Lewis, in the rest of the book, will continue to repeat this saying by M. Denis de Rougemont that love "begins to be a demon the moment he begins to be a god" (6). Mere human loves, exalted to divinity, will become ugly, selfish, and distorted. Lewis finishes his introduction by saying this:

"The human loves can be glorious images of Divine love. No less than that: but also no more- proximities of likeness which in one instance may help, and in another may hinder, proximity of approach" (9)

Human loves can draw us toward or away from God. We (with God's help) are the ones who decide which way our love takes us.

Living with Lewis (is back)

Tuesdays with Lewis is back! I've started re-reading his book, The Four Loves, which is probably my favorite book by him. If you haven't read it, I encourage you to get a copy (for Tucsonans, I know the UA library has at least one copy) and read along!

Lewis starts off his book by making the distinction between gift-love and need-love: love which gives to another and love which arises out of a need that must be filled (e.g. the love of a mother for her child and the love of a child for his or her mother). And he advises us against the temptation to classify one as better than the other or one as more godly than the other. Though God loves through gift-love (He does not need us), He Himself desires our need-love.

Lewis writes:

"Man approaches God most nearly when he is in one sense least like God. For what can be more unlike than fullness and need, sovereignty and humility, righteousness and penitence, limitless power and a cry for help?"(4)

This is the paradox that seems to lie at the heart of Christianity. God, who needs nothing, decided to create creatures whom he could pour out his riches upon with the desire that they would turn and love him out of their desperate need for him. He loves despite the fact that many reject him (It says in Romans that Christ came and died for us while we were still his enemies). He loves expecting nothing in return.

It feels strange sometimes: I know that I seem to come to God in a constant state of desperation. I have nothing to give but my own broken life, and I have to come again and again with a prayer for help and a realization that I can do nothing on my own. And yet this is what God desires, that I come again and again to him empty so that he can fill me with his Spirit and his love. I can give nothing to God that he has not already given to me. It runs very counter to my logic of exchange in relationships. But God seems to run entirely counter to human logic in general ('For my thoughts are not your thoughts and neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord - Isaiah 55:8)

I love Lewis' book because it explores the many challenges and paradoxes of God's love and of the human loves with an incredible amount of wisdom and thought.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Giving Up

"Giving up" by Ingrid Michaelson is probably one of my favorite love songs of all time. It's more realistic than romantic, but I think that's what makes it great. Enjoy:




"Giving Up" by Ingrid Michaelson from the album Be OK

Living with Lewis: Seeing Love

“Look your hardest, dear. I wouldn’t hide if I could. We didn’t idealize each other. We tried to keep no secrets. You knew most of the rotten places in me already. If you now see anything worse, I can take it. So can you. Rebuke, explain, mock, forgive. For this is one of the miracles of love; it gives- to both, but perhaps especially to the woman- a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted” - Lewis, A Grief Observed, 89.  

I hope I can always say likewise about my love.

Lewis continues:

"To see, in some measure, like God. His love and His knowledge are not distinct from one another, nor from Him. We could almost say He sees because He loves, and therefore loves although He sees” (89-90).  

How amazing it is to be loved by the One who holds all things.

Monday's Musings: That holiday...

By Giving Weddings via The Wedding Row

Tomorrow is Arizona's 100th birthday! Yay for the centennial! I expect all sorts of celebration around the city. It also happens to be Valentine's day.
I'm not particularly a fan of this day. Honestly, I thought it was the best when I was a kid and we made the day a party that included lots of candy and pictures of puppies. (You can never go wrong with puppies and chocolate). However, there is a lot of meaning attached to this day in our culture, so I'll share the few thoughts I do have regarding this day.

1. It's just another day. Don't let all the ruckus make you doubt your self-worth or attractiveness or anything else. Your worth is not defined by being in a relationship or by being single or what you do or don't do on a Tuesday night.

2. If you do see this as an opportunity to go on a fun date, great! Have fun! (But remember...if you are in a serious relationship you should be having date nights pretty regularly)

3. If you don't want to go on a date, but do want to do something, you have so many options. This provides the perfect excuse to gather up some friends and eat ice cream and watch movies or whatever you want to do.

4. This is a great opportunity to drop a friend an encouraging note or do something kind for those you love. (Again, this should be a regular practice!)

5. For the single girls out there: I have been in your shoes up until this year, and I loved it. There is so much freedom in being single- enjoy it! You can do whatever you want, you have way more free time, and you can focus more on building good solid friendships. Please don't settle for mediocre just so you can be in a relationship. After deciding that I was probably going to be single for at least another five years, I was pleasantly surprised by my current relationship. And it is SO good. Don't settle for half-best or off-and-on or a "pretty-good" relationship. Please wait. God wants to give your His best for you. Now, this doesn't mean you should set unrealistically high ideals, but you most definitely shouldn't settle for "meh" just for the sake of not being single.

Finally, and most importantly, take some time this week to stop and remember our First Love, the Original, the One who gave his life for us. Because as wonderful as our loves here on this earth can be, they are only shadows of true Love.

Hosea writes:

"But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from captivity in Egypt. 'When that day comes,' says the Lord, 'you will call me 'my husband' instead of 'my master.''. . . I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord." (Hosea 2:14-16,19-20)

C. S. Lewis says this:

"When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it. He has been a party to, has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love. All that was true love in them was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His. In Heaven there will be no anguish and no duty of turning away from our earthly Beloveds. First, because we shall have turned already; from the portraits to the Original, from the rivulets to the Fountain, from the creatures He made lovable to Love Himself. But secondly, because we shall find them all in Him. By loving Him more than them we shall love them more than we now do." (from The Four Loves)

So in the midst of all the chalky candy hearts and glitter and whatever else comes with Valentine's Day, remember to reflect on the Love that gave himself for us.



PS: If you want some more on relationships, check out these amazing sermons from Second Mile.  Ruth was an incredible series on relationships (that played a huge role in my current relationships), plus these older messages on relationships are great as well.